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A Ranma ½ / El Hazard OAV crossover story
by Corwin

Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty and Viz Communications own Ranma 1/2. Hayashi Hiroki, Pioneer and Viz Communications own El Hazard.

Chapter 5

"Hey there, Red," Ranma greeted the dark-skinned girl with the unruly, fiery hair when his little group met her near the entrance to the priestess' shrine.

Shayla-Shayla was momentarily annoyed that a mere mortal man greeted her, the Great Priestess of Fire, so casually… until she noticed that he was no man. Nay! He was a god… Adonis himself made flesh. Her perfect boyfriend!

Ranma felt a sudden chill, as if someone had just walked over his grave. 'I'm too young to die!' he thought desperately, but forced himself to smile. "We are looking for the three sages, also known as the Great Priestesses of Mount Muldoon."

Shayla-Shayla's heart melted at his words. He had been searching the world for her, no doubt to try and make her his wife. The fire priestess blushed slightly, as more intimate images started forcing themselves into her mind. She wasn't like that!

Besides, duty always came first! She would go and work… maybe gamble a bit afterwards and get a few drinks. And he would just wait for her at home, always happy to serve her every whim… all night long….

"Hey, are you all right?" Ranma asked with concern, waving a hand in front of the girl's face, which was visibly burning up.

She leaned into his loving embrace, sensing the obviously shy boy's desire to hold her in his arms.

"Hey, leave Ranma alone, you floozy!" Kiriya shouted in agitation, coming very close to drawing her crossbow. "I want him!" Noticing Ranma's questioning gaze fall on her, she added, "dead," quietly so that only he would hear, berating herself for her slip of tongue. And just why had it sounded so… right?

"And who might you be to stand in the way of lov— er, the Great Priestess of Fire?!" Shayla-Shayla asked dangerously with a low growl.

"Yeah, lover," Alielle purred, attaching herself firmly to Kiriya's chest. "Tell her who you are, Fatora dahling." The last word was drawled out seductively by the short girl who also used the opportunity to wink at the priestess playfully.

"Those shameful yet strangely enticing lesbian acts in public…" Shayla-Shayla said in shock, recoiling from the little group. "It can't be…."

Alielle nodded enthusiastically, only adding to the priestess' agitation.

"Not… the legendary lecher, Princess Fatora of Roshtaria, and her insatiable sidekick, Alielle?" Shayla-Shayla asked in genuine fear, backing away and covering her privates with her arms just in case. "The fabled Dynamic Lesbian Duo? The Bearers of Ecchi? The Keepers of the secret, long-lost arts of Henta-Lionne? The Strokin—"

Kiriya blinked at this turn of events. There had obviously been a misunderstanding! She wasn't a lesbian. After all, she wanted Ranma….

Dead. She wanted Ranma dead. It was getting harder and harder to remember.

In any case, all she had to do was show this poor, misguided woman the error of her ways….

In an attempt to calm the Priestess of Fire — who was still relating the rather long list of titles, both formal and casual, that the two lovers had apparently gathered — Kiriya took a step forward, raising her hands upwards to give away no signs of malice. Unfortunately, she forgot that Alielle had become one with her cleavage and lost her balance. Tripping over, her arms flailed but couldn't save her balance and she pitched forward with Alielle. Thankfully, she landed on something soft.

Not expecting such a soft landing, her hands began exploring the smooth substance underneath them.

Kiriya ignored the building up heat until she and Alielle were blasted away, Shayla-Shayla rising to her feet unsteadily with a full-body flush. "T-The d-dreaded Monkey Swinging On A Rope From Above Swift Death Glomp!" she breathed out in awe. Shuddering, she erupted in flames, trying to cleanse herself with the holy fire.

By the look on her face, it wasn't working.

"What a terrifying technique!"

Ranma looked at her strangely. "Looked to me like they tripped. Jeez."

An exclamation of pure joy was heard from the side. Turning around to face its origin, Ranma and Shayla-Shayla saw Alielle clenching and unclenching her right hand, looking at it in wonder. Her eyes still glazed, she raised her palm to her face and licked it.

A tremor went through the petite girl's entire body. "So smooth… creamy…."

Ranma shuddered, the fire priestess mirroring his actions.

Shayla-Shayla looked at him suspiciously, wondering if perhaps he was some kind of pervert as well, since he was traveling with the duo. It wouldn't do for the future father of her children to be that much of a pervert!

Guessing what was going through her mind, Ranma waved his hands to the negative quickly. "No! No-no-no! They do it to me as well… the small chick, at least; I'm still not sure about the other one."

Shayla-Shayla sighed sadly. Poor guy. He was obviously telling the truth, for how could he lie?

Alielle's glazed over eyes cleared. She looked at the still hallucinating Kiriya — in Fatora's guise — who had hit her head rather nastily after being hit with the blast of fire magic, before setting her sights onto Shayla-Shayla.

"I see redheads," she murmured, loud enough for everyone to hear; to hear and be very, very afraid.

"You stupid bimbo! Why did you have to go and do that?!" Ranma grumbled, walking around the empty temple, which looked like a gigantic library filled with a multitude of books on the inside.

Alielle raised her nose high into the air with an indignant huff. "It's not my fault she left so suddenly."

"She broke the freaking sound barrier trying to get away from a lesbo chick with sick, perverted intentions!" Ranma continued to rant at her.

"I assure you that my intentions were as pure as ever," Alielle replied with a cute pout.

The pigtailed boy waved his hands at her in disgust. "Aw, just forget it!"

"Forgotten!" she exclaimed excitedly, immediately glomping him as if nothing had happened.

Ranma sighed. This wasn't fair! Even Nerima wasn't that bad. Well, except for that Kodachi chick going gaga on him. Or Shampoo doing the same after he beat her by accident. Or Ucchan falling for him at the age of six when he beat her up. And again, after he mentioned she was cute. Or the girls at school when he smiled at them occasionally….

The boy blinked.

Things had always been this bad! Well, almost. Akane didn't love him. Or did she? She had to, based on the other examples. Then again, she could have been the exception to the rule.

Either that, or she was masking her emotions. No other girl around him ever did that; not even that weird chick that sent him to this land.

Ranma cursed loudly, getting the attention of his two female companions. He gave them a scowl and vaulted to the second floor of the temple, leaving them to look for clues as to the priestesses' whereabouts among the various books left on the gigantic round table in the middle of the temple.

He just had to think of the blue-haired chick, didn't he? Nothing confused him more than her motives. Ranma wondered, not for the first time, what that girl meant by saying that she would use the last of her powers to open something called a dimensional rift to El Hazard. After all, it wasn't like she was a walkman and her batteries would run out….

Laughing, Ranma shook his head in amusement. What a hilarious idea! Just imagine, a person running on batteries! Where would they put them, he wondered in amusement, still chuckling. An image of just that sprang into his head helpfully, and he gagged, immediately filing it under the part of his brain reserved exclusively for Bad Mental Images.

Well, whatever that rift technique was, it had to be pretty powerful and consuming. After all, transporting two people to this world from Earth was no mean feat.

Ranma blinked once, then a second time. Two people? Only he had been with that girl, but Ryoga froze outside—

Ranma's pigtail stood on end suddenly as his face went completely white, draining of all color.

Oh, God. Oh, God, no.

Not them.

Ranma felt like crying. It was so simple! They had been closer to ground zero than Ryoga, and he did see their shadows while walking through the deserted school.

The pigtailed boy groaned. Oh joy. What was next, his old man showing up and starting to sell him to the highest bidding girl?

Ranma shuddered, a look of absolute terror on his face. He had felt a very familiar ki signature that faithful day just moments before the fight, but couldn't concentrate on it when Ryoga called out his challenge. The Lost Boy was a skilled fighter — though obviously inferior to his superb skill in the Art — and had to be taken seriously. There was no time to check out ki signatures at the time, and later… later things became… complicated.

But what if…?

The mighty Bugrom army advanced on the frightened people of an unnamed village deep in the country of Gannan slowly, the humans backing away, unable to even slow down the invaders' advance. Suddenly, two shadows loomed over the humans from above.

The first thought that went through the defenders' heads was that they were surrounded. However, when no attack came they tensed, fearing what the enemy had planned something truly insidious.

"Hold, foul villains! Your dastardly deeds stop here!" a mustached man in a black martial arts gi proclaimed loudly.

"Indeed!" his companion in a white gi thundered, brushing a hand against his golden spiky hair. "All your base are belong to us!"

Whispers spread out amongst the humans at the display, while the Bugrom stared at the two people who dared to oppose them strangely.

"Fear us!" the heavyset man in the white gi exclaimed, striking a pose. "For I am the Crouching Tiger!"

His companion, also of golden hair, posed similarly. "And I am the Hidden Dragon! Together we form The Hired Help!"

The duo leapt from the building tops they stood on, and jumped into the Bugrom horde. A melee broke out, the area seemingly completely dominated by the gigantic bugs. The human defenders were about to say a quick prayer for the golden-haired duo's sake, when a blinding white light bathed the area, causing everyone to look away or risk losing their sight. A shockwave followed shortly afterwards, knocking the humans to the ground.

When the light receded, only two figures remained standing on the battlefield. Crouching Tiger and Hidden Dragon clapped each other on the back to congratulate themselves for a job well done, before turning towards their awestruck spectators.

"I believe there is the small matter of our fee," the heavyset man started, rubbing his stomach affectionately….

"My princess…" Londs said uncomfortably, trailing off in uncertainty.

Rune Venus spared him a glance. "Yes?"

"Highness, I've been wondering whether it was wise to start preparations for a wedding as soon as the visitors from another world left on their journey. We still don't know if they are spies, and their strength and fighting abilities are a threat to the stability of the royal city of Florestica, not to mention Roshtaria itself! I humbly ask that you reconsider this matter." Londs finished speaking, and bowed his head low, mentally preparing himself for a rebuke.

"Tell me, Londs," Rune Venus asked slowly, and the bearded man bowed even lower, if that was possible. "What are these preparations you have mentioned? I am only engaged to Prince Gallus and have no intention of cutting the courtship short."

Looking at his princess with wide eyes from his kneeling positing in front of her, Londs exclaimed, "Highness! But what of your command this morning to prepare for a wedding between you and the pigtailed boy that looks like the splitting image of Princess Fatora?"

Rune Venus stared at the man in confusion. "You thought I was serious about that?" She cocked her head, blinking several times. "I… was serious, wasn't I? I wonder what came over me…."

"It must be the foul Saotome's dark magicks!" Londs proclaimed, rising to his feet and shaking his right fist at the Heavens in righteous fury. "I shall send ten soldiers after him… twenty… our entire army!"

"Don't you dare lay a hand on my Ranchan!" Rune Venus cried out, backhanding Londs. The man was sent off his feet reeling from the blow and flew out of the balcony, screaming like a little girl as the ground rushed to meet him.

"Ranma… whatever you did to me…" the princess mused out loud, staring into the horizon melancholically, "I felt so alive… a liveliness I sorely lack now…."

A picture of a pigtail appeared in her mind's eye, beckoning her… calling to her very heart.

'What is your power, Ranma?' Rune Venus thought, sighing wistfully.

His left arm glowing with the power of the ancient magical bracelet, Tatewaki Kuno fought off entire waves of Bugrom troops, dispatching them by the dozens. Queen Diva watched his training from a safe place off to the side, her face locked into an impassive mask. The pink-haired queen of the Bugrom flapped her wings lazily, commanding her soldiers to attack with renewed vigor, and proceeded to observe the mock-battle. 'The fool shall become most powerful, and the one to control him would be none other than I! Today, Roshtaria… tomorrow — the world!'

She ruined the effect by bursting into fits of megalomaniacal laughter.


To be continued.

Chapter 6
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