A Ranma ½ / El Hazard OAV crossover story
Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty and Viz Communications own Ranma 1/2. Hayashi Hiroki, Pioneer and Viz Communications own El Hazard.
"Ranma! How dare you kick me in the balls and run away, you coward!?!"
Ryoga's angered cry awakening him, the pigtailed boy groggily opened his eyes and looked around. Wasn't he in a basement just a moment ago? And then, it all came rushing towards him. The girl, the weird lights, punching at Ryoga's nose while he was frozen, accidentally, of course—
Ranma blinked. Ryoga wasn't frozen anymore. And he was very angry, and suffering from a broken nose from the way his angry shouts were distorted.
Shouts that were coming closer and closer.
Gulping, Ranma prepared to quietly utilize one of the secret Saotome techniques entrusted to him by his wise father and hightail out of there. A girl's shout interrupted all that.
At first, Ranma thought that his knee had impacted on Ryoga's crotch harder than he'd imagined — accidentally, of course — but when he heard Ryoga crying out his ki attack a split-second later, he knew better.
Something that could make P-chan squeal like a pig had to be big, bad and scary.
Ranma ran towards the battle, following the green depression blasts that were raining like heaven's wrath on gigantic bugs armed with long sticks. The whole scene was so surreal that it reminded Ranma of Starship Troopers… minus the firewood. Ranma shrugged, having seen weirder stuff in his life, and continued observing the situation. A quick assessment of the scene revealed that it had in fact been a real girl that'd shouted for help. Quite a lovely girl in a purple leotard which left her stomach exposed as see-through azure pantaloons attempted to cover her legs, and a translucent white shawl did so for her shoulders and arms.
Grinning, Ranma cracked his knuckles and leapt high into the air. 'Bugs are for squishing!'
He'd be damned if Ryoga would get to have all the fun!
Cupping his hands at the apex of his flight, Ranma shouted, "Moko Takabisha!" and launched his own ki attack at the attacking bugs. Taken off guard by his surprise attack, the giant bugs were scattered everywhere, the sticks they had been holding catching fire which spread to their comrades' sticks due to their closeness. The bugs were hence too busy running around in circles like chickens with their heads cut off trying to put out the fire to even try to put a decent defense when Ranma descended from the sky and started raining hundreds of blows on them….
The giant bugs kept on pouring out of everywhere, but even their enormous numbers were no match for the two expert martial artists. Even the apparent leader of the bugs, easily distinguishable by the hakama he wore for some reason, fell before Ranma and Ryoga's combined onslaught. All in all, it had been a long and hard battle. However, in the end, only the three humans remained conscious, two of them standing proudly over the crushed and broken bodies of their attackers, while the third was looking at them with unmistakable adoration.
"Hey, are ya all right, lady?" Ranma asked the woman he and Ryoga had just saved.
Looking at him with eyes full of wonder, she nodded, not trusting her voice at the moment.
"Princess! Are you all right?" a dark-skinned, bearded man shouted at her with concern, rushing over to the young woman with a few soldiers.
Ranma merely snorted at the disgusting display. Even engrossed in the battle, he could feel those cowards hiding in the nearby bushes for the past ten minutes, waiting it out. 'Well, it's not like they're martial artists or anything,' Ranma thought in disdain.
Finally finding her voice, the princess pointed at Ranma and shouted, "He's so cool!"
A vein popped on her advisor's forehead, but to his credit, he remained perfectly civil otherwise. Another person nearby, however, wasn't as reserved.
"Ranma! How dare you come and steal my victory like that?!" Ryoga roared, gaining everyone's attention. "The offense of the bread was one thing… but this! I will never forgive this offense!"
"You mean, rushing over and helping you fight lots of huge bugs trying to kill you?" Ranma remarked casually.
"Of course!" Ryoga shouted indignantly, raising a shaking fist to the heavens.
"What a strange person," the princess commented, frowning slightly. Deciding not to dwell on that too much, she turned towards Ranma and put on what had to be her best smile. "Hello! My name is Rune Venus, and I would like to thank you for saving me, kind sir," she said cheerfully, batting her eyelashes near the end of the sentence.
"P-Princess! Protocol states—"
"And where was your protocol when the Bugrom attacked me a while ago, Londs?" Rune Venus retorted, cutting off her advisor's tirade before it even started. "Like I was saying," the princess continued, beaming at Ranma. "You saved my life, and I would like to reward you for that. You may ask anything you want." With a heavy blush, she emphasized 'anything' quietly, looking away coyly.
"Ranma! Have you no shame!" Ryoga roared, as the guards and Londs just gaped at their ruler. "How dare you betray Akane like that?!"
"Akane? Is she your… significant other?" Rune Venus asked with a slight trace of disappointment in her voice.
"Nah, just a fiancée," Ranma replied off handedly. "She's not my only fiancée, though."
"You have several girls engaged to you?" Londs asked in shock.
"I can see why…." Rune Venus murmured quietly.
"Highness! We must return to the royal palace, before the Bugrom regroup."
Rune Venus looked like she was about to protest, but thought better of it. Nodding, she said, "Very well." When a few of the guards ran off to secure the way to the airship, Rune Venus turned towards Ranma and smiled warmly. "Please, would you come with us to Roshtaria? I still haven't thanked you properly."
Rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment, Ranma tried to resist. He didn't last for long. In under two minutes, Rune Venus was walking towards her airship hand in hand with Ranma, her guards tailing the two.
Suddenly, a roar came from behind them all. "Ranma! How dare you try to leave me here!"
"Oh my, I completely forgot about that other guy," Rune Venus said, blushing in embarrassment.
"Come on, Ryoga, we don't got all day," Ranma threw over his shoulder, continuing to walk. "So, Rune, you were talking about your cooks…."
"Ah, yes! As royalty, I obviously have the best chefs in Roshtaria working for me."
"That's good to hear," Ranma said with a smile. "Teach kept me late at school, and then I missed dinner with all this fighting. Expending so much energy always makes me hungry." Yawing, Ranma added, "Oh yeah, it makes me sleepy too."
Rune Venus smiled seductively. "As a princess, I also have the best bed in the palace."
"Um, that's nice," Ranma remarked, suddenly finding himself completely awake. His danger sense, which was practically screaming its head off at him, was probably the cause of that….
"Damn you, Ranma, this is all your fault!" Ryoga screamed in utter rage, punching at the bane of his very existence.
Ranma swiftly moved out of the way, allowing the lost boy's fist to make a nice indent in the wall of the dungeon both of them were confined at for the moment. "Are ya stupid or something?" the pigtailed boy shouted at his companion in disbelief. "She wanted me to sleep with her! What did ya want me to do, say 'yes'?"
"At least we wouldn't be here, then!" Ryoga retorted angrily, making another attempt to kill him.
"Oh man, you are stupid," Ranma said with a sigh. "If there's anyone to blame here, it's you! Who was it that lead us to this stupid dungeon in the first place, P-chan?!" He tactfully omitted that he had been clever enough to follow the directionally-challenged boy in the first place during their attempted escape.
"Stand still and die, Saotome!" Ryoga cried out, grabbing the umbrella that the palace guards hadn't had the courage to try and take away from him and sending it flying towards his opponent.
"What are you so upset about, anyway?" Ranma asked curiously, leaping over the speeding projectile to land in a crouch next to Ryoga and performing a vicious uppercut to the lost boy's chin. "With the Bakusai Tenketsu, you could get us out of here in no time! And besides, those guards are a joke! They couldn't stop us even if they tried!"
"Oh yeah!" Ryoga exclaimed, stopping in his tracks and slapping his chin. When Ranma rolled his eyes in annoyance, Ryoga backhanded him across the room to impact on the heavy wooden door. "That's for that uppercut, fiend!"
"Moron!" Ranma shouted, springing to his feet.
"Enemy of all women!" Ryoga retaliated, taking a bandanna off his head and starting to spin it.
The two fighters were about to charge each other, when the door fell outwards. Blinking simultaneously, they looked towards it curiously. Two soldiers stared at them for a few moments, deep fear seeded on their features.
"Goody!" Ranma said happily, cracking his knuckles with a goofy smile on his lips.
"Please don't leave, Ranma!" Rune Venus begged, draped all over Ranma's chest and trying to stop him while he was walking forward with a scowl on his face.
"And what am I, dead meat?" Ryoga growled, leveling a hateful gaze at his arch-nemesis.
"You too can stay, Dead Meat," the princess said offhandedly.
"My name is P-chan!" Ryoga cried out, before realizing what he'd said and flushing scarlet. Noticing Ranma's smirk, he cracked his knuckles and charged him, crying, "That's the last offense, Ranma!"
Wrapping one arm around Rune Venus' slim waist to protect her, Ranma leapt skywards, rebounding off the ceiling and coming down with both feet at the small of Ryoga's head. The lost boy dropped like a sack of potatoes. "No one beats the Saotome Shooting Star kick!" Ranma boasted. 'Or any of its revisions,' he added mentally, filing away yet another one to his repertoire.
"Oh, Ranma, you were so great! Just like a true prince…" Rune Venus gushed, slowly tracing circles on his chest.
"Well, I am the best," Ranma answered confidently, albeit blushing from the up-close-and-personal attention he was receiving.
"I fight on!" Ryoga exclaimed then, rising up from the floor like a zombie.
"You ruined the moment, you moron!" Rune Venus screamed, lifting the lost boy's umbrella with both hands and smashing it into his head several time before dropping it over his still form. "Now, where were we?" the princess asked Ranma sweetly, smiling sunnily at him.
Ranma looked between the growing lumps on Ryoga's head and Rune Venus' pleasant smile several times, before dropping his head into his hands and moaning quietly, "Violent chicks…."
Fatora ran, her long red hair trailing behind her majestically. She laughed, an innocent, merry sound belying the young princess' true nature. The damp grass felt divine under her bare feet. An oasis appeared on the horizon, and she wiped at her eyes in wonder. Taking another look, she continued running in its direction, intrigued by what awaited her there.
As much as she enjoyed her jog, however, Fatora enjoyed her ultimate destination even more. Naked women sat on the shore of the lagoon, as far as the eye could see! And, as if that alone wasn't enough, she just had this feeling that they shared her most healthy appreciation of the fair sex. Their slim, nubile bodies glistening with sweat and coiling around each other in wild pleasures, while fondling one another in previously unimagined yet strangely exotic ways might have had something to do with it.
Ecstatic, the princess jumped into the fray. As she was leaping into their awaiting arms, however, she was unceremoniously shaken awake. Once she got her bearings, the imprisoned Princess Fatora scowled. "This isn't fair!" she whined, balling her fists in anger.
"I know," a foreboding voice replied from the shadows, satisfaction creeping into it.
To be continued.
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